Creating Idols

My good friend Dr Black sent me this portion of his thesis, I think it is really helpful;

Sande has developed a model entitled, “The Progression of an Idol.” In this model he highlights four stages, through which our desires lead us into conflict not only with God but with others. It is important that we outline these stages:

Stage One: “I Desire.”

Sande contends that “conflict always begins with some kind of desire.”16 However the important point that he draws to our attention, is that conflict does not necessarily have to come from those desires that we might well classify as being “bad,” such as greed or vengeance or lust. Rather the point he wants to emphasize is that conflict can even come from those desires that we classify as being “good.” He writes,

Many desires are not wrong in and of themselves… If a good desire, such as wanting an intimate relationship with your spouse, is not being met, it is perfectly legitimate to talk about it with your spouse. As you talk, you may discover ways that both of you can help to fulfill each other in mutually beneficial ways … But what if your spouse persistently fails to meet a particular desire and is unwilling to discuss it further with you or anyone else? This is where you stand at a crossroad. On the one hand, you can trust God and seek your fulfillment in Him (Psalm 73:25). You can ask Him to help you to continue to grow and mature no matter what your spouse does (James 1:2-4). And you can continue to love your spouse and pray for God's sanctifying work in his or her life (1 John 4:19-21; Luke 6:27-28). If you follow this course, God promises to bless you and use your difficult situation to conform you to the likeness of Christ (Romans 8:28-29). On the other hand, you can dwell on your disappointment and allow it to control your life. At the very least, this will result in self-pity and bitterness toward your spouse. At worst, it can destroy your marriage.17

Stage Two: “I Demand.”

The writer postulates that a desire such as, “I work hard all week. Don't I deserve a little peace and quiet when I come home?” or “I only want what God commands: children who have learned to respect their parents and use their God-given gifts to the fullest”18 are perfectly legitimate desires. The problem however arises, at the point when we come to view the object of our desire as being essential to our well being. The desire to have something then becomes an absolute “must have.” Left unchecked, this initial desire grows so strong that it begins to control our thoughts and behavior. It has therefore become an “idol.” Sande comments,

Most of us think of an idol as a statue of wood, stone, or metal worshiped by pagan people. But the concept is much broader and far more personal than that. An idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy, fulfilled, or secure. In biblical terms it is something other than God that we set our heart on (Luke 12:29), that motivates us (1 Corinthians 4:5), that masters and rules us (Psalm 119:133; Ephesians 5:5), or that we trust, fear, or serve (Isaiah 42:17; Matthew 6:24; Luke 12:4-5). In short, it is something we love and pursue in place of God (see Philippians 3:19). Given its controlling effect on our lives, an idol can also be referred to as a "false god" or a “functional god.”19

The point that Sande is emphasizing here is that idols do not necessarily arise only from bad desires, but from good ones as well. As an illustration of the point he has been making, the writer draws our attention to the example of marriage, where he contends that,

It is not unreasonable for a man to want a passionate sexual relationship with his wife, or for a wife to want open and honest communication with her husband … These are good desires, but if they turn into demands that must be met in order for either spouse to be satisfied and fulfilled, they result in bitterness, resentment, or self-pity that can destroy a marriage.20

The point is well made; that often it is not what we want, but rather how much we want it, that causes the problem.

Stage Three: “I Judge.”

When people fail to live up to our expectations and fail to meet our desires, we criticize and condemn them. Having made the point that it is not inherently wrong to judge people within certain limits, Sande emphasizes the reality of this third stage when he writes,

We cross the line, however, when we begin to sinfully judge others, which is characterized by a feeling of superiority, indignation, condemnation, bitterness, or resentment. Sinful judging often involves speculating on others' motives. Most of all, it reveals the absence of a genuine love and concern toward them. When these attitudes are present, our judging has crossed the line and we are playing God.21

The danger at this stage is that this high degree of expectancy and accompanying judgment is more often than not, specifically focused on those with whom we have meaningful relationships, for example, our spouses, children, relatives, close friends or even members of our local congregation. Sande again helps us see the incipient dangers when he warns,

Expectations are not inherently bad. It is good to hope for the best in others and reasonable to anticipate receiving understanding and support from those who are closest to us. But if we are not careful, these expectations can become conditions and standards that we use to judge others. Instead of giving people room for independence, disagreement, or failure, we rigidly impose our expectations on them. In effect, we expect them to give allegiance to our idols. When they refuse to do so, we condemn them in our hearts and with our words, and our conflicts with them take on a heightened intensity.22

Stage Four: “I Punish.”

Sande succinctly comments, “Idols always demand sacrifices. When others fail to satisfy our demands and expectations, our idols demand that they should suffer. Whether deliberately or unconsciously, we will find ways to hurt or punish people so they will give in to our desires.”23 Such punishment manifests itself in a myriad of ways, for example; reacting in overt anger; using hurtful words to inflict pain on those who have failed to meet our expectations; pouting and strumping; even physical violence. Sande, makes the point that as we grow in our faith, most of us tend to move away from such overt displays of punishment. However, because idols are reluctant to loosen their grip on our lives, it is almost as though they then change strategy. Choosing to be less overt and seeking to camouflage their presence, they are still as devastating in their ultimate goal,

Our idols do not give up their influence easily, and they often lead us to develop more subtle means of punishing those who do not serve them. Withdrawal from a relationship is a common way to hurt others. This may include a subtle coolness toward the other person, withholding affection or physical contact, being sad or gloomy, refusing to look someone in the eye, or even abandoning the relationship altogether. Sending subtle, unpleasant cues over a long period of time is an age-old method of inflicting punishment.24

In conclusion, from the perspective of our aim of education we have learned that at the center of both history and our own personal lives, we discover conflict. There is an inextricable link between the conflict from without and the conflict from within.

From the external perspective, Christians are caught up in the cosmic clash between the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness. Believers are called to spiritual warfare against Satan who actively seeks to sow his seeds of dissension and conflict within the local church. From our examination of the biblical material we must concede that education is but the first step in addressing this matter. Christians not only need to be informed about spiritual warfare, they need to be encouraged to respond to the reality of this cosmic struggle. Likewise, congregational leadership must not only give assent to the theory, but in practical terms must acknowledge and respond to the truth the Word of God teaches—that where there is conflict within a congregation, then the devil is at work. Leadership must publically acknowledge this fact and look to develop or introduce ways and means to enforce a unified response to this reality. Clearly much further thought can be given to the specifics of such a response, particular to the situation a congregation is facing.

If the peace of the Church is being attacked from without, then what we have also learned is that the peace is also being attacked from within by the sarx. There is no peace on earth, because two opposing kingdoms clash deep within the human soul—the exaltation of God versus the exaltation of self. It is important that we never lose sight of the fact that it is not a conflict between religious people and irreligious people, but rather between God-exalting people and self-exalting people. As we have noted from our study of James 4:1-3, the heart of the issue, is the issue of the heart. James teaches us that the root cause of conflict is unmet desires in our hearts. When we want something and feel that we will not be satisfied unless we get it, that desire starts to control us. If others fail to meet our desires, we sometimes condemn them in our hearts and ultimately we end up in a vicious downward spiral where we fight hard to get our own way. Of course we do well to remember that James was but making specific application of the principle that Jesus taught, that “Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander” (Matt. 15:19).

If we have labored this point we have done so because it is a fundamentally important truth to be grasped that pervades most areas of Christian truth and discipleship and none more so that in the area of our examination of conflict. As we will see in greater detail in a later chapter, many writers in the area of conflict, tend to downplay the biblical concept of the nature of sin, preferring instead to argue that if conflict exists then it does so as a direct result of external circumstances, such as dysfunctional congregational family systems or poor leadership, rather than being a direct manifestation of that which is basically and universally wrong within—sin. Subsequently their attempts to deal with conflict are built upon the shaky foundation of “baptized” secular methodologies and therefore they end up seeking to address, manage or resolve what we might call the “presenting issues” rather than dealing with the root heart issues.